28 February 2008
24 February 2008
A few weeks ago, C.X. and I had a conversation in which he was describing the revisiting of a period twenty years prior as a result of a writing project that an old friend was doing. It was bringing up details he’d have just assumed kept where they were, in the past, as the friend had questioned him about behavior he, the old friend, had exhibited before dealing with his serious alcohol and drug problems (lost his children, ended up in jail, etcetera, etcetera). C.X had helped him out, even by taking care of the kids in his absence, and though decades have now passed, C.X. was experiencing what I like to call “emotional time,” which is the squooshing together of moments in chronological time based on their emotional relationship rather than their time/chronological relationship to one another, and thus, C.X. was having coffee with me in the middle of an emotional time crash. I had recently experienced my own squooshing of moments when an old friend and his wife came into town, and a very simple and innocent question on her part, asked in the right place at the right time, made me suddenly teary. I described the moment to C.X. — how I was standing in the lobby of the Port of New Orleans, the first place I saw a friend after the storm, and the city was still closed, and everything was still devastated, only she was asking the question at Mardi Gras, years later, on a beautiful afternoon when we were about to board a boat for a ride upriver, and her question made me laugh, then cry, and, for a brief moment, reexperience a sadness about loss that will likely endure for the rest of my existence.
Both of us being writers — C.X. and I, that is — we spent some time discussing the life moments and then moved onto discussing works that had successfully employed emotional time instead of chronological time. I described marveling over how Robert Penn Warren altered time in ”Audubon: A Vision,” and how, upon reading it, I could first articulate what I meant by “emotional time.”
In the poem, “The Northwest Orient plane, New York to Seattle, has passed, winking westward,” and even in this small example, the plane is winking after it has passed, a brief example of how so many moments in the poem shine in memory after they’ve occurred, and often gain emotional impact upon being re-experienced in relation to some other event instead of holding value because of their initial moment in time.
C.X. said, “Have you read Slaughterhouse Five? You sound like you’re talking right from the pages.”
So finally I picked up Slaughterhouse Five.
Another friend said, “You’re reading Kurt Vonnegut?”
I nodded.
“I didn’t know you’d read anything so–”
He paused, then settled on, “Contemporary.”
“Did you think I read only obscure dead Polish poets?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said.
It was really fun to read some Vonnegut — what a master of time! — and how MUCH did I appreciate such a sad story told with such humor. Such a revelation of the human condition. The universal experiences of destruction and madness. Illogical human behavoir. Emotional time making benign events malignant and vice versa.
One of those books that I was constantly racing to the next page. Was sorry that it ended. But it had to end. As all books do. And so it goes.
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13 February 2008
I love Valentine’s Day. Here’s a poem for the day, courtesy of the WW alumni listserve:
HE WISHES FOR THE CLOTHS OF HEAVEN
Had I heaven’s embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
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But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
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I’m not sure which is more offensive — that this moment actually occurred or that the Times-Picayune thinks that it’s funny, entertaining, and newsworthy to invite readers to caption, Photoshop the image, and upload their “works of art.”
Any time that I wonder why I left the Times-Picayune, I see something as asinine as this art contest and need no further reminder.
And any time that I wonder why our city is such a mess, I see something as asinine as this photo, and need no further reminder.
Photo by Eliot Kamenitz, from the story “N.O. Police Show Off New Crime-Fighting Equipment”
(For the record, feel free to run a Search — I can’t imagine that I have previously used the word “asinine” in running text. In my entire existence. In fact, I had to check the spelling.)
You know, it’s actually sad. Really sad.
Some of us have been working hard to make this a civilized place to live and work.
And as though we don’t have enough problems in this city, now we have the police superintendant and the mayor playing with guns.
Stupid enough not only to do it, but do it in front of a photographer.
And a newspaper turning it into a game!
Since when is playing with guns funny?
Maybe my lack of humor about all of this is that, in the past two months, too many of my family and friends have been within blocks of gunfire in this city. One with a gun to his head. And these are people who live ordinary, normal lives that, in your average, ordinary, normal city, wouldn’t be exposed to so much gunfire.
Maybe my lack of humor also has to do with seeing bad stuff happen. You know, really bad stuff, people!
What is with these two?
I guess they’re just two more as*holes who think guns are toys.
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11 February 2008
For days, the noise from the attic has been getting louder.
– Maybe it’s a squirrel.
– Maybe it’s a mouse.
– I think it’s a bird.
– What if it’s a raccoon?
– Maybe it’s a monkey or a giraffe!
The attic staircase door opens. We go upstairs. No sign of a nest. No sign of forced entry by a small creature. No sign of a monkey or a giraffe. We go downstairs.
Hours pass.
I go to sleep. At 1:30, 4:30, and 5 a.m., I am woken by the noise above. Scamper, scamper, scratch, scratch.
I reach over to my nightstand to grab the bouncy ball I stole from the girls’ weekend birthday party gift bag and toss it at the ceiling. The thud is returned by a hurried scamper, scamper moving from the spot in the ceiling above my head to the back of the house. I get up in a middle-of-the-night black blur and flip the hallway switch for the attic light — on, off, on off — and pull the attic door open a few inches, only to let it slam closed again. Just the threat that I will go up there alone and face the unknown creature.
We all know I am not going into the attic alone.
The next morning, the creature is stirring again. I tap the ceiling with the end of the broom.
Silence.
Meetings in Baton Rouge. No thoughts of the scampering creature. Peace on Earth.
I return home, late afternoon, exhausted from said meetings. Want to rest. Catch up on email. Sleep like a proverbial log.
For at least twenty minutes, until I have to pick up the girls.
I’m only five blocks from their school. I should get a little exercise. Wear myself out a little more. Walk to meet them.
I walk out the front door. Down the sidewalk. A quick glance over my shoulder reveals:
the culprit!
A big, fat squirrel hanging out on the ledge of the wooden attic vent, examining his options.
No clear route down, buddy!
I return to the side of the house, stand beneath the big fat squirrel, put my hands on my hips and squint like I mean business.
Big fat squirrel puts his head back in the attic, considers his alternatives.
I stomp back into the house, return to the hallway, flick the attic light switch on and off and on and off–
Take that, squirrel!
–toss my bouncy ball at the ceiling, open and close the attic door with threatening assurance about who lives in this home.
(No, Mr. Sam, I told the exterminator, I cannot kill squirrels.)
Walking home from school, I announce to the four and five year old girls beside me that I have found the culprit.
They regard me with suspicion.
It’s a squirrel, I say.
Sophie declares: He needs to get his own tree.
We return home, at peace with no scampering above.
I call a friend who has been privy to days of my bemoaning the noise above.
Katie, he says, that is no fat he-squirrel.
- What do you mean?
Oh, no! As soon as I ask, I realize my erred ways!
Dang guilt!
Dang pregnant squirrel!
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6 February 2008
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